This section is in honour of the Rt. Hon. Reverend Spooner...

is the bean dizzy?                       is the Dean busy?

our queer old Dean                       our dear old Queen

we'll have the hags flung out         we'll have the flags hung out

fighting a liar                                   lighting a fire

you hissed my mystery lecture        you missed my history lecture

cattle ships and bruisers               battle ships and cruisers

nosey little crook                              cosy little nook

a blushing crow                              a crushing blow

tons of soil                                     sons of toil

you've tasted two worms                you've wasted two terms

our shoving leopard                       our loving shepherd

a half-warmed fish                       a half-formed wish

know your blows                              blow your nose

go and shake a tower                       go and take a shower

tease my ears                              ease my tears

stop nicking your pose                stop picking your nose

you have very mad banners         you have very bad manners

lack of pies                                     pack of lies

it's roaring with pain                       it's pouring with rain

sealing the hick                              healing the sick

go help me sod                              so help me God

pit nicking                                     nit picking

disgusting bowel feast                disgusting foul beast

I'm a damp stealer                       I'm a stamp dealer

hyperdemic nurdle                       hyperdermic needle

wave the sails                              save the whales

I was chipping the flannel on the TV   I was flipping the channel on the TV

mad bunny                                      bad money

I'm shout of the hour                        I'm out of the shower

lead of spite                                      speed of light

this is the pun fart                        this is the fun partI hit my bunny phone                        I hit my funny boneflutter by                                             butterflybedding wells                               wedding bellsI must mend the sail                        I must send the mailcop porn                                             popcornit crawls through the fax                 it falls through the cracksmy zips are lipped                        my lips are zippedbat flattery                                      flat batterywould you like a nasal hut?          would you like a hazel nut?puke on                                             couponbelly jeans                                       jelly beanseye ball                                               bye allfight in your race                                 right in your facedo you want to sign a door?             do you want a dinosaur?ready as a stock                                  steady as a rockno tails                                                 toe nailshiss and lear                                           listen herePlaying Card Spooners...Two of Hearts                                           Who of tarts?Four of Hearts                                     Whore of fartsEight of Hearts                                     Hate of ArtsTen of Hearts                                            Hen of tartsAce of Spades                                            Space of aidsFour of Spades                                            Spore of fadesEight of Spades                                            Spate of AIDSFour of Diamonds                                     Door of fireman'sFive of Diamonds                                     Dive of fireman'sSix of Diamonds                                            Dicks of Simon'sTwo of Clubs                                                   Clue of tubsFive of Clubs                                                   Clive of Fubbs